Charlie Wear's Notes

Hero or zero?

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There is no doubt that those who are driven to ministry leadership have some issues, is there? I read an article (I think it was by Don Williams, but I can’t say for sure and I am too lazy to look it up) that said that most pastoral leaders have father issues, abandonment issues, were the product of troubled childhoods and dysfunctional families and were in some sort of co-dependent relationship with their congregations and God.

Well, okay, so what? I confess, I fit that description pretty well, the only good thing I can say is that I am not in any sort of formal ministry leadership role, currently. I think I might have come pretty close to drinking from the same poison that made me sick the last time I was a ministry leader recently. It may be God’s mercy that I have “taken a break” from all of that. I can tell you, I didn’t like the range of emotions that I was dealing with, and the fledgling group didn’t really have any congregants yet. Yikes!

I think all of my ministry motivations are pretty bad. Like trying to “please God,” have you tried that one? Like trying to “be a hero?” Of course, the only problem for one like me is that when I am not trying to be a hero, I feel like a zero.

Why all of the true confessions on this Monday afternoon? Well I have been reading Jim Palmer’s Divine Nobodies, and boy, has it been resonating with me. It is a great little book, I recommend reading it as a devotional. One chapter a day. Sort of like the Purpose Driven life reading plan, but without the drivenness.

What Do You Think?

  1. Leon Hebrink Avatar
    Leon Hebrink

    I hear you and I’ve wrestled with these same demons. Or, maybe its wrestling with an angel and coming up limping? Maybe both?
    I read a definition of “hero” recently in one of the books I am reading, can’t remember which one for sure; either one on reimagining evangelism, picturing the Gospel or hearing God and probably published by IVP. But I digress.
    The working definition of “hero” in the book went something like this, “Someone who denies themself for the sake of others, one who sets aside their ‘powers’ for the service of others, humble self-sacrifice.” If this is a good working definition of “hero” then what’s so bad, unhealthy or dysfunctional in trying to be one?
    I think the problem comes when we NEED recognition rather than in wanting to be a hero.
    Shoot, most pastors I know who give a darn are wired to be fixers, rescuers, lifeguards in the pool of life; sounds like part of the shepherd job description to me.
    I am a “second career pastor” flirting with 20 years in at sea who struggles with a deep seated aversion to church. I’ve recently been shown a golden key to surviving a bit longer that I’d like to share: find the church within the church and drop anchor there, push out to sea in the dark places where the light of Christ is most needed and then come back to safe harbor in the church within the church. Try to ignore the religious seagulls in between and just shower off the seagull doodey as needed.
    I’m new to this plan so I’ll let you know how it goes.
    Leon

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