Faking it till you make it

It is hard to remember the good old days when an encyclopedia took up an entire bookcase and required a knowledge of the alphabet and excellent reading skills to access it. Now we have the internet and Wikipedia and the earth’s trees and rain forests have breathed a sigh of relief. Imagine my surprise when I googled the phrase “Fake it till you make it” and discovered a brief article.

From the Wikipedia article: “Fake it till you make it” (also called “act as if“) is a common catchphrase that means to imitate confidence so that as the confidence produces success, it will generate real confidence^[1]. The purpose is to avoid getting stuck in a self fulfilling prophecy related to one’s fear of not being confident, e.g., by thinking, “I can’t ask that girl out because she would sense my lack of confidence.”

One of the buzzwords of the last several years is “authenticity.” “Get real,” might be the way we express this idea to one another. Let’s face it, most of us spend a lot of time wearing a mask that hides our true intent and emotions. This isn’t new information, is it? We spend a lot of time “faking it.” It’s how we get through our lives. It’s how we get other people to do what we want them to do. It’s how we maintain the “illusion of control.”

I was talking to a friend yesterday and confessing that I am angry, maybe with God, but certainly with some other Christians. At the beginning of the year I was experiencing a kind of personal revival. I was also involved in a new home group and was attending the church that sponsored it. I was excited about the possibility that the “Spirit was on the move.” I was a little bit afraid of one thing: that when other people got to know what I believe and who I really am, they wouldn’t want to be involved with me. Do you ever deal with that one? It is one of my favorites.

However, because I wanted to be “real.” I decided that I would try to be myself rather than where a mask. When the group leaders went around a circle and asked its members if they wanted to watch a video series on “Marriage Communication,” I gave an honest reply. I said no, I wasn’t interested. Oops! Later as we kept meeting from week to week, each member of the group was asked to share their personal testimony, their spiritual journey. My wife didn’t want to share. “Oh, but you must, I’ll help you,” group members urged. I asked my leader-friend to give me no warning when it was my week. I would have had a difficult time if I had to think about what I might say for a week. What sins to confess, what to leave in and what to take out, these questions would have driven me bonkers!

The night came. I gave my personal testimony. I tried to be as authentic and honest as I could be. A few weeks later, I had a meeting with the pastor and his wife, who were also members of our home group. During the course of the meeting they made it clear that they did not want to “fellowship” with me. I’ll have to admit, it really irritated me. But I controlled my emotions, exited the meeting and didn’t attend their church any more. A few weeks later the home group disbanded.

So there you have my dilemma in a nutshell. There was lots of “God” activity in the first part of the year, and now not so much, and I am angry. Angry with Christians, who claim to be followers of Jesus, but who can’t “fellowship” together. We get offended. We get away from one another.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about this situation and he said something like “our unwillingness to be “real” with one another and work through our offenses is one of the ways that we try to control and manipulate other people.” Another way of saying it, “It’s how we keep the peace.” So much for Jesus’ prayer: “My prayer is not for them alone (his disciples). I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.” (John 17:20 NIV via biblegateway.com)

This is what I am thinking about in the early morning hours. The way we attempt to control and manipulate each other. My 8 yr. old does it through what we lovingly call “meltdowns,” which his parents immediately attempt to suppress. But as we have grown older our methods have become more subtle. We speak sweetly when we are face to face, but internally, or when we get a chance to gossip, our speaking is not quite as sweet! We have become adept at regulating our interactions to get what we want. Of course, too much of this can lead to emotional suppression, which according to Wikipedia, can make us fat!

As my mentor, John Wimber, used to say: “I want to grow up before I grow old.” Right now, I don’t feel much like growing up, I feel like throwing a good old-fashioned temper tantrum. Who knows, maybe one day I will stop trying to control and manipulate others by showing and withholding my true self. Maybe one day I will find a group of people who would rather “Get real.” Maybe then I can stop faking it till I make it.